Score: Arsenal 3 - 0 Coventry City

This was always going to be an impossible task for the Sky Blues. Back in the top division for the first time in 34 years, and they have to travel to the home of the current champions. Add to that losing your first choice striker in the week leading up to the match and things start to look quite grim for Coventry’s chances of getting anything from the opening game. Coventry managed 4 shots in the game, which were honestly surprisingly better than I expected, though only one of those were on target and it was a rather tame header from 12 yards directly at Raya.

Possibly because it was the first game and the Gunners were lifting the trophy in front of their home fans for the first time at the Emirates, possibly because it was Coventry, possibly because after finally getting over the line Arteta has removed the handbrake, but whatever the reason Arsenal were imperious. New signing Tzolis made everyone forget about Trossard’s departure and Vini Jr’s flirtations. He looked like the bargain of the year down the left hand side. He was involved in the first two goals, getting the assist on Havertz’s opener. Myles Lewis-Skelly looks like he took the rumours of the team trying to offload him personally. He controlled the midfield, turning over the play metronomically. He didn’t do anything flashy, which is exactly what you want from the role.

If Arsenal play like this every week, everyone will forget about them being Set Piece Merchants. They will be spoken about in the same breath as City’s Centurions and Klopp’s best Liverpool squads. Given it’s only week one but it’s Arsenal’s title to lose right now.

Score: Hull 2 - 0 Manchester United

Good grief, how many times are Manchester United going to do this post-Ferguson? Have we not seen this play before? United look awful for 70% of the season, go on a run at the end of the season (alongside teams above them going on a slide) and paper over the cracks to the point the higher ups keep the manager who clearly is the wrong man for the job? We saw this with Ole and now Carrick going from caretaker to full time boss, and we saw Ten Hag keep his position on the back of winning a trophy. It’s clear to everyone outside of the boardroom these are the wrong decisions, yet they keep making it over and over. Michael Carrick did a better job than anyone expected as caretaker, yes. But when you have managers like Iraola around, you go and get them.

It was all so easy for Hull. They played as a tight unit, letting United have the ball and daring they to do something with it. United largely failed to answer that call. You can look at the underlying numbers and say they were unlucky, 1.81 xg compared to Hull’s 1.26 says they might have gotten something from the game. Having watched the game those numbers don’t tell the entire story. United were stilted, they were robotic, devoid of creativity and impetus. It was until Mainoo and Sesko replaced the expensive new midfield of Santos and Tielmans that United looked anything like a football team capable of winning football games. Mainoo needs to start going forward. There’s no other argument to be made at this moment, he simply must be given the game time to show what he’s capable of.

We must take a moment to enjoy Harry Maguire committing the most blatant holding offence in his own penalty area. Luckily for all United fans, he was holding on to Brian Mbuemo and not one of the Hull players as it surely would have been a nailed on penalty. I missed meme Maguire last season. So happy he’s come back to us.

Score: Everton 2 - 0 Crystal Palace

This was a fun one. Could easily have been 2-2 or even 3-3. We love when two mid-table teams with very little to lose (relegation wise) and everything to gain (Europe!) go out on the day and give us a game. We had plenty of errors, penalty shouts, mistakes, a wonder goal, a wonder save, and a few posts hit. 90 minutes for the neutral to enjoy.

What we learned most from this game: Mateta’s head is already out the door. It’s widely known he wants to leave and Palace don’t want to sell him. A locked in Mateta, standing on business, comes away with at least two goals here. The one he put onto the post most glaringly called out for last season Mateta. Once that ball was played inside I was already preparing the ‘Boom!’ and the Hill-Dickenson’s corner flags were shaking with anticipation.

Spare a word for Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall. A left footed laser beam into the far side netting. An unstoppable drive. By all accounts KDH seems like a lovely bloke and I’m happy to see it working out for him on the blue side of Liverpool.

Score: Ipswich 2 - 1 Sunderland

How good did those Elvis-inspired away kits look in the Portman Road sunshine? Just a shame the Black Cats couldn’t do them justice with a win.

What did we learn from this game?

Ipswich found the goals they needed. Great early 3 points on the board for the Tractor Boys.

Score: Forest 0 - 1 Leeds

On paper, this was a drab 1-0 victory for Leeds. Anton Stach in the 88th minute to cut down the tricky trees. The game was much more entertaining than the stats would suggest though. Harry Wilson was lively, always looking forward, always trying to make something happen. The long throw battle between Ethan Ampadu and Ola Aina was a fun little sub plot (interesting note: both former Chelsea boys, yet Chelsea have never really had a long throw option in their senior squad). It’s crazy the amount of chaos that throwing the ball into the box from distance can cause. It’s as if the defenders simply forget how to complete a headed clearance when the ball is looped in rather than driven. Someone far smarter than me should study this.

I think a draw would have been a fairer reflection of this game. One moment of absolute class by Stach was the difference.

Score: Brentford 3 - 0 Spurs

Spurs being Spursy innit. The money spent revamping the squad looked absolutely wasted if this game is any portent of whats to come from De Zerbi’s side. You can make the argument that it’s going to take some time for a completely new backline and midfield to gel, but whose fault is that? Who made the decision to completely replace the entire defensive unit in one summer? Questions must be asked here. Brentford controlled the entire game, ran though Spurs’ midfield and back four at will. In the end, 3-0 looked kind to the visitors. On any other day Igor Thiago would have had at least 2. This could easily have been 5 or 6 nil.

The only person of a Tottenham persuasion that has come away from this game with positivity has to be Martin Dubravka. Surely he’ll be starting between the posts before too long. De Zerbi has shown he’s not afraid to make changes there and Kinsky looks to be a liability.

Score: Brighton 4 - 0 Villa

Villa travelled to the south coast, sure, but they forgot to turn up for the game. They saw that Spurs performance from the day before and said “hold our collective beers”. Has to be one of the most disjointed, abject performances Unai Emery has ever had the displeasure of overseeing. Quite simply, you cannot give up two goals in 1 minute and 20 seconds. Villa will need to get their heads screwed on right and do it quickly. They also need to sort out whatever is happening with Ollie Watkins. The rumor coming out after the game was that his agent called the club the morning of the game to tell them he would not be playing as he’s trying to force through a move to the Saudi Pro League.

For their part, Brighton were fantastic, one early moment of chaos from Ayari aside. They punished every mistake Villa made in the first half to build an unassailable 4-0 lead. They were less efficient in the second half and took their foot off the gas; otherwise, the game could have become an insult to Villa. Had Brighton taken their chances in the second period as they did the first, they could have put 7 or 8 on the board. They looked to be saving some goals for Tromso, to ensure they make it into the Conference League proper after the 0-0 up in the Arctic Circle from the first leg.

Jack Hinshelwood looks unlocked in his new role. Hurzeler looks to have just said to the lad “go have fun, create chaos”. Structurally I couldn’t tell you exactly what his position is. Is he a reserved 9, or an advanced 8, a 10? The answer to those questions is just, Yes. It looks like it could be a fun season down in Sussex.

Score: City 2 - 1 Bournemouth

Five minutes. Bournemouth were just 5 minutes away from a fantastic away victory. Then Rayan Cherki happened. When faced with a team set on deploying a low block and holding on to their early advantage for the rest of the 90 minutes, Cherki is exactly the player you need. You need a mercurial player who can make something happen from nothing with no room to work. And so that is exactly what Rayan Cherki did.

Enzo Maresca gets his first win as Manchester City manager and the Diet Pep era begins. City are going to encounter this type of tactic deployed against them game after game, and I’m not sure they’ll be able to rely on Cherki to bail them out each time. I think they need a signing or two to replace Rodri and Bernardo Silva. Though it looks like Enzo Fernandez will be incoming to help fill the latter’s role.

City are in a retooling phase now. If they can keep their top 3 place I think it will be mightily impressive by Maresca. Even accounting for the insane amount of money they’ve spent and will spend to complete that retool. It comes down to, replacing the best ever manager in Guardiola is a nearly impossible task. If Enzo can manage to keep city from tumbling down the table into the Europa or Conference league, it will be a victory of sorts.

Score: Newcastle 2 - 2 Liverpool

The teams shared a tribute to the late Kevin Keegan. Then they shared the points.

Newcastle showed they will be better than many expect, even with the dismantling of their entire first 11. Liverpool suggest they might struggle more than expected because both Isak and Van Dijk are not the players they once were. Anthony Elanga is positively rapid, but VVD at his peak sees the danger early, gets himself in the proper position to intercept or tackle Elanga before he gets a shot away. This 2026 edition: was looking around for anyone else to bail him out as he knew he didn’t have the legs to make the play. If Iraola is going to continue with that high line, Liverpool will leak goals and Isak doesn’t look capable of scoring enough to cover for that.

Newcastle can feel a little disappointed with the result. They were the better team on the day and were undone by a mistake. In spite of what Shearer might say, it’s a nailed on penalty (Where is Hall meant to put his leg you ask? Anywhere but in the path of the attacker if he’s not getting the ball, that’s where) and Szoboszlai was never passing up that opportunity.

Score: Fulham 2 - 3 Chelsea

It took only 31 seconds for Chelsea’s new No.9 Joao Pedro to open his account for the season. It looked like it was going to be a Blue Day in Fulham. As so often is the case for this Chelsea team in the BlueCo era, reality was far from the expectation. Fulham worked their way back into the game, from the 15th minute on they were clearly the better team. Terrorizing Chelsea’s left hand side as Josh King kept finding himself in acres of space. It would be from that side of the pitch that would get Fulham level as well, though not without a heap of help from the hapless Robert Sanchez. Neither Lavia nor Rogers went to go with Josh King leaving him alone at the corner of the box to receive the pass, take his time, and smash the ball through Sanchez for 1-1.

Chelsea did get back into the game and were ahead again after 30 minutes when Palmer got down the right side and clipped a lovely cross for Joao Pedro whose volley went just wide. The second goal did come a few minutes later when Lacroix stepped out of the back to intercept ball, playing forward to Palmer who dropped his shoulder and turns the defender before playing back to Lacroix to get to the end line before cutting back for Rogers to smash home.

Chelsea again started well in the second, Rogers flicking on for Pedro who just about kept himself onside at the halfway line. Pedro delays long enough for Palmer to join the attack before a simple 10 yard ball perfectly weighted for Cole to smash home though Leno’s legs.

As good as Chelsea’s front 3 was, the defense was equally as shaking. Colwill misjudged a lobbed pass, allowing Castange to fire directly at Sanchez. Sanchez decides rather than pushing the ball wide, or catching or punching clear, he decided it was best to palm the ball down to the edge of the 6 yard box for Fulham’s new striker Garcia to stoop and head home. From there it was a nervy game for the traveling Blues supporters. They will have been thankful for the final whistle to blow and get the Alonso era off with a win.