The Short Corner

Hello one and all back to the Short Corner. A column named after the worst corner strategy written by the worst prognosticator known to man. As always we’ll have a quick recap of my failings followed by a new batch of extraordinarily bad predictions.

Game 1

Liverpool v Fulham

Prediction: 1-1

Reality: 0-0

Ok, starting with a pretty decent prediction. Great point for Fulham, not so much for Liverpool. I get that they are getting used to a new coach and I think the death of a teammate is something that lingers but this is a game that should worry the Liverpool faithful just a bit. Josh King missed at least one great chance to completely spoil the day. Iraola needs to realize this isn't Bournemouth, who coincidentally seem to be doing just fine, and draws aren't going to cut it. Unless of course you’re the Invincibles, in which case you’re the greatest ever. Wirtz is officially on bust watch for me. For what they spent I’ll need to see way more than a high work rate, I need goal contributions.

Game 2

Crystal Palace v Ipswich

Prediction: Palace 4-1

Reality: Ipswich 3-2

I predicted 5 goals at least! Obviously this game turned on the 35th minute red card to Diasi. Totally correct call. He went for the ball but was accidentally a little high and clipped the knee of the Ipswich player. Accident, red card, weird how they got that right. Ipswich is probably going back down but they are going to make a go of it in earnest before they do. Palace look like they have changed from a mid-table team based on frustrating defense to a mid-table team built on surprising offense. If they can convince Mateta to stay and enjoy the expansiveness they are showing they have 11th written all over them.

Game 3

Spurs v Everton

Prediction: Everton 0-1

Reality: 0-0

Only one goal off here. I think the less said the better. 480 Million spent for a return of zero goals is not what you’d call fiscally responsible. Everton did what they do, which is not all that much but an away point is a point. Job done. Spurs ownership looking to book a few more NFL games at the stadium to help stave off those loan payments. A trip to the championship could mean a long stay away from the top flight for a team that was pressing to be included in the ludicrous European league.

Game 4

Manchester United v Manchester City

Prediction: City 3-1

Reality: City 1-0

Result but not score, I can live with that.

First things first that is never a red on Foden, he doesn’t kick out he’s literally trying to get room to get up while Bruno stands over him AFTER fouling him and kicking him in the back. An argument could be made that Bruno could have seen three yellows, one for the initial foul, one for the kick in the back and one for embellishment as it seemed he was perfectly fine to play the rest of the game. The correct decision should have been a yellow for each player and move on. But after the red was awarded it’s as if the Red Devils assumed victory was guaranteed. They barely troubled the City goal as Cunha in the false 9 continues to seem fangless. If Sesko isn't fit enough to play 75-90, just rest him till he is fit. They play best when he’s in the striker role. Why Carrick refuses to play this line-up the majority of the time is a mystery.

As for City, yes the goal should not have counted. Enzo clearly is involved in the play. But this is just payback for the Rashford “not involved” Bruno goal from a couple years back. City are showing that they are as dangerous as ever and Haaland doesn't need touches to affect the game. Looking forward to the “Was Pep overrated?” takes that will pop up if City hit the break unbeaten.

Enough looking back! The future is what we make of it. Here are my picks for the final week before International Break. As always if you want to make any money bet the exact opposite of these predictions and thank me later. I accept thanks via Zelle or any other cash transfer app.

Look, until Spurs prove to me they can score I’m not picking them to score a goal. Show me the money as a crazy person once yelled in a movie I’ve never seen. Emery is a wily coach who takes a minute to assess his squad before hitting on all cylinders. But what he doesn't do is lose points to dumpster fires. Villa give Spurs fans plenty to think about for three weeks as they go goalless yet again.

Prediction:

Spurs - 0

Villa - 2

Brighton have been, well, bright going forward. The back end is much similar to me after playing 18 in the summer heat, a bit of a mess and a huge irritation. Nice to see a ref finally card Arteta for standing everywhere but his technical area. The ref must follow the same Instagram accounts as me that spent the last week pointing out the manager's love of wandering. Extra points for whipping out the card right as Arteta seemingly was going for a hug, the weirdo.

I think this game gives us more of the same. Arsenal will be 5% better than the other team, they’ll ugly the game up as much as possible and continue to leave gigantic signings Gyokeres and Eze on the bench. They’ll nick a goal or flop for a penalty and survive. I hate them.

Prediction:

Brighton - 1

Arsenal - 2

(Reverse Jinx)

Using Hull City’s full name because they’ve earned that respect. They did concede finally, but still managed a draw at Stamford Bridge. Not sure even in their wildest dreams they would have hoped for 8 points from their first 4 games especially when those fixtures included Man United and Chelsea away. Newcastle are regretting the departure of Bruno Guimaraes. His wonder strike at the Stadium of Light could have been useful for a squad that got dogwalked 4-1 at Leeds.

Now they get the resolute and confident Hull side that doesn't appear to be scared of the Premier League competition.

I think Hull knows a draw is a great result here and plays accordingly.

Prediction:

Newcastle - 0

Hull City - 0

I decided to highlight this game because there is a very non-zero chance that this is Super Frank’s last game as manager. It's one thing to not be able to compete for Europe or at least battle to avoid relegation. It’s something else entirely to get thoroughly embarrassed game after game. They just got the boot from the Carabao Cup thanks to some truly awful set-piece defense. This is a must-get-points game for Super Frank. If they get their doors blown off again on the cusp of a 3-week international break I can’t see ownership keeping him around any longer. Maybe Frank will accept his calling as a championship promotion manager.

Prediction:

Forest - 3

Coventry - 0

Bournemouth are going to be shot out of a cannon today. No one can fault Iraola for taking the big job, but that doesn’t mean they can’t want to stick it to him right in his face in front of the home fans. Isak’s breakout was a dud. Wirtz is still just a guy you say “They paid how much for him?” about and VVD while still top notch has clearly lost half a step. Pair all that with Liverpool adjusting to the new system while Bournemouth don’t seem to have missed a beat and I think it’s a bad day for the visitors.

Prediction:

Bournemouth - 2

Liverpool - 1

Quick rundown of the rest of my picks

Brentford 1 - Chelsea 1

Everton 2 - Ipswich 1

Leeds 3 - Palace 2

Man City 1 - Sunderland 0

Fulham 2 - Man United 1

Now you know what to bet against. If you think you can beat me in our weekly pick’em contest sign up here.

If you just want to hear some quality football banter from some soccer guys, myself, Kevin and Dexter do just that every week:

Till next week, put those corners into the box, it’s the only sensible choice!